A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked how much to pay.
Devil : Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.


Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means...
Without Information, Fighting Everytime!

WIFE says: No darling , it means :-
With Idiot For Ever

Husband Wife sms

wife:honey,what r u looking 4?
husband: nothing

wife:why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ?
husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying...
&
the other ensures U Continue to do so.


Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.

Want to surprise your girlfriend?
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Introduce her to your wife :p

What is the difference between wife & saali?

Saali is Beauty,
Wife is duy,

Saali is passion,
Wife is tension,

Saali is patakha,
Wife is sayapa,

Saali is cool,
Wife is fool,

Saali is tuty-fruity,
Wife is qismat futi,

Saali is fresh cake,
Wife is earth quake...:p

In newyork, a man was watching a movie at home
and suddenly shouts nooooooooooooo!! :'(
Don't go inside the church its a trap!!

Wife: what are u watching?

Man: our wedding DVD :p

One million copies of a new book sold
In just 2 days due to typing error of 1 alphabet in title.

"An idea,that can change ur wife''
While real word was(life).

Asian man will have a wife and a girlfriend
and will love his wife more.

A black man will have 2 wives and 5 girlfriends
and will love his 1st wife more.

A white man will have 1 wife and 3 girlfriends
and will love his girlfriends more.

An pakistani man will have 1 wife and 4 girlfriends
and he still loves his mummy more.

Wife: If I die what will u do?
Husband: Main paagal ho jaun ga!

Wife: Will u marry again after I die?
Husband: Pagal kuch bhi kar sakta hai

When a married man says:
"I'll think about it" ,
What he really means that,
He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet... =p =d

Wife called her husband
Wife: honey where are you?
Husband: I'm at the bank.
Wife: dear, please I need 3000 rupees to activate my blackberry,
5000 to do my hair and
10,000 to buy a dress.
Husband: sorry, I meant I was at the "bank" of a river.
Do you want fish to cook?

If you were my husband,
I would poison your coffee

If you were my wife
I would drink it.

Husband: Today is sunday &
I have to enjoy it.

So i bought 3 movie tickets.

Wife: Why three?

Husband: 1 For U and 2 for ur parents.

Wife comes home late at night
and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two!

She reaches for a baseball bat
and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done,
she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters,
she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :s

"hi darling", he says,
"your parents have come to visit us,
so I let them stay in our bedroom.
Hope you have said hello to them.

Husband aur Wife Hotel
me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,"Koun Thi Wo?"
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.

Wife: I wish I was a newspaper
so I would be in ur hands allday.

Husband: I too wish that u were
a newspapers so I could have
a new one everyday.

Husband 2 Wife : Did u Have any boyfriend before marriage ??
Wife remains silent !

Husband : Mai is Khamoshi ko kya samjhu ?
Wife : Abbe gin ne to De :-).

An Airline Introduced
A Special Package For Business Men.
Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free

After Great Success,
The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives
Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply...

"Which Trip ?

Wife: What is so interesting in me?

Husband: I dont know the meaning of interesting!!!

What's the similarity between chewing gum & begum(wife) ??
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.
.
.

Both are sweet at the beginning
and
become tasteless, shapeless and chipku in the eNd...

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

LOVE IS LIFE
LIFE IS WIFE
WIFE IS KNIFE

and
KNIFE IS DANGEROUS

Having 1 child makes you a parent
but having 2 makes you a refree.

Marriage is a relationship in which 1 person is always right
and the other is always husband.

You can't buy love
but you pay heavily for it.

Wife and husband always compromise,
husband admits that he's wrong and wife too agrees with him.

Our language is called the mother tongue
because the father never gets a chance to Speak.!:p

A Lady to Doctor:
My husband has d habit of talking in sleep! wat shud i giv him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak wen hez awake

Friends Are like Priya Gold Biscuit Haq Se maango
Girl Friends are like Pepsi Yeh Dil Maange More
Wife is like a medicine Bas Ek hi kaafi hai

patni maike ja kar pati ko roz phon q karti hai.
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.
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taki pati ko yad rahe ki musibat abhi tali nahi hai

Last night was my fault,
my wife asked,
"what's on the TV?"
and ..... I said, "dust!"

Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?

Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

A successful man is one
who makes more money
than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one
who can find such a man.

A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldnt believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didnt see her......
Tuesday and wednesday passed too.....
On thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the
Corner of one eye;)

How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1.Janu
Yr 2.O G.
Yr 3.Sunte ho?
Yr 4.O bunty k pappa
Yr 5.Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6.Tum aate ho k main aaon?

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night
and suddenly shouts: "Up! Quick! My husband is back!"

Man gets up, jumps out of the window,
hurts himself, and then realizes: "Damn, I am the husband!"

Judge: How can you prove
you were not speeding your car?

Man: Sir, I was on the way to
bring back my wife from her mother's home!

Judge: that's all, case dismissed :p

You know why women starts with 'W'...
because all questions start with "W".. !
Who ?
Why ?
What ?
When ?
Which ?
Whom ?
Where ?
&
Finally Wife..!!!

Wife : I saw in my dream
that u were buying a diamond ring 4 me
.
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Husband : i saw your dad paying da bill

Collection of wife sms jokes & text messages which includes :- wife jokes , husband and wife jokes etc...

What's the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.

M: My lovely wife.
I: Is i am wrong in my sms?
S: Sex is not only thing in the life.
S: See, we have everything in our life you, me & our kids & good salaries and home also.

Y: You are everyting to me, my life my wife my jaan.
O: Our life is just a good enough for us. Alhumdullah.
U: U are the lucky one in my world... gave me our sweet family.

LOVE YOU!

Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.

Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.

Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

Wife came home with a goat.
Husband asked"Is bhains ko ghar kion lai ho?"
Wife:"Dikhta nahin, bakri hy!"
Husband:"Bakri se hi poch raha hon"

In this world everybody makes mistakes...
But
Only girlfriend, wife n boss have
the gifted talent of finding them,
remembering them n reminding them

Man: Sir, my wife is missing.
Postmaster:bhai ye post office hai,
police station me complain dijiyee.
Man:Kia karon, khushi k mare
kuch samajh nahin aa raha

~~~~Best wife sms~~~~

Difference between Husband & gadha.

Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!

Husband to a newly wed wife!
I could go to the end of the world for you
Wife:Thanks,but promise me
you will stay there for the rest of your life.

Nobody teaches
Volcanoes to erupt,
Tsunamis to devastate,
Hurricanes to sway around
&
no one teaches
How to choose a Wife,

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

Judge:why did u shoot ur wife
instead of shootingher lover?

Sardar:Your honour,
it's easier to shoot a woman once,
than shooting one man every week.

Difference between Friend & Wife

U can Tell ur Friend
"U r my Best Friend"
But

Do u have courage tell to ur Wife
"U r my Best Wife?"

Latest husband & wife sms jokes collection




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